Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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