I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
