Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
