whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
