Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Don't make out with my wife yet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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