A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
