I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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