We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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