Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I would ride that face into the sunset
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
