I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
