He asked to "fluff my boner.."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
