Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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