I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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