Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
