Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
