At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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