so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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