i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
