he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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