remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
