I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
