Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
