I just pynch a tree in the face
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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