dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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