you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
