I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
