dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
