well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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