It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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