I skipped work to stalk him.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
