My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
