We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
