For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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