You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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