Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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