A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
