Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
