There is no way he is gay with that hair.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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