when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
