I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
