Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
