you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
