She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
