Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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