# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
