Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
