The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize