it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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