Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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