just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
