I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
